The Letters No. 4

As I continue on with my series "The Letters", I must apologize for making you wait a few weeks until I posted the next one. These letters are personal to me, and it's sometimes difficult for me to share these intimate parts of my life, but sharing it with you has given me a vulnerability that is actually making me a stronger person.

August 28, 1994

Dearest Corey,

Here I am, yet once again, communicating with you via the U.S. Postal Service. Seems somewhat impersonal and ineffective, but I shall do my best.

I found myself helpless after speaking with you on Wednesday. It was very difficult to sit in Pennsylvania while you were in Florida/St. Thomas? and me being unable to help you [I don't remember what drama I was going through, other than missing him terribly]. Often times a hug is all one needs to get through such times. I was unable to be as supportive as I would have like to have been, but my secretary [I can't believe he used the word 'secretary'] can hear every word I say. The only advice I can offer is that if a job stresses one to the point of despair for any length of time over one (1) week, then it is time to find another job. That has always been my philosophy anyway.

Again, I must apologize that I wasn't very conversant yesterday morning, but I sure do looove ['looove' was underlined] to sleep in. Would have been much better if you would have been here to sleep in with me. I ordered a 4 1/2 in feather bed comforter to put on top of my mattress...better for us to snuggle in on those cold winter nights. If this winter is anything like last, we will need it!

Yesterday I stripped, stained and varnished the kitchen chairs. I've been meaning to do that for 3 years now [I guess a little sexual frustration can do wonders]. They turned out very well. Today I painted the front porch. All of those spindles are a bitch! Now, if I can just get a roof over the back door before summer ends I would have accomplished all of the goals I set for this year. Outside chores, anyway. I do want to lay tile in the kitchen sometime soon.

As I told you on the phone, I will be going to Rehobeth on Thursday [I didn't know at the time it was a 'gay' locale] until Monday. My last vacation of the summer...BOO HOO! Randy, Sandro and Bob [Matt's friends] are going to DC where we will pick up Loukis & Vasile. Hopefully, I will get a nice tan so I will look good when you get back.

Well, I'm on my third page which seems to be my limit. I hope that you do whwat you want to do with your job and not what you think others want you to do. You made a statement the other day about your being very independent. That kind of bothers me, I am a person who needs to be needed. Not that I have a compulsion to dominate or anything, [yeah, neither do I, unless I allow you to be so], it's just that I feel more secure when i know someone needs me. Here I go getting sappy again...enough of that.

Mother missed her first day of classes [I think 'Mother' is Andre; Matt's roommate]. She was out until 6:00am that morning and so didn't quite make it out of bed for an education. Tommy is still in his mess with Rob. Me - well I'm still waiting for this really sensitive, sweet, gentle fellow I fell in love with a few months ago. I hope I see him soon.

Matt & Fretty

(Notice the 'Love Matt' has fallen away?)