"Attention, Walmart customers: All black people, leave the store now."I don’t know if you’ve heard about this or not, but that phrase was reportedly announced over the public-address system at a Walmart in New Jersey this past Sunday evening.
It is certainly causing an uproar, especially since Walmart has had a shaky relationship with people of color over the years.
This got me thinking about things I’ve seen at Walmart (the few times that I’ve actually been in a Walmart, mind you).
But if you follow The People of Walmart, you’ll understand where I’m coming from, and I’d like to present to you the announcements that would make me bust out laughing if I heard them come over the public-address system while shopping at Walmart:
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that is dressed like a leprechaun, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that isn’t wearing a shirt, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that is a hotmess, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: All drag queens, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that has only one tooth in their mouth, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that is wearing stirrup pants, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that is barefoot, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that is wearing leopard prints , leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that has a farm animal with them, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone dressed like a hooker, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone showing their ass crack, leave the store now."
“Attention, Walmart customers: Everyone that has a mullet, leave the store now." (Oh, damn...everyone left.)
Now, you're probably thinking I'm just being cruel, but cleaning yourself up before you go out in public, no matter what your station in life, is just good etiquette.
What would you like to hear announced over the PA system at Walmart?
That would leave no one in the store!
(I hadn't heard that message! How deplorable!)
I would like "Attention WalMart shoppers, we are finally closing our doors because we've realized how we've fucked the small business man, because we realize we only sell goods made in China, because we realize we are just a crap seller."
Might be too long.
What Bob said :)
Oh god...no surprise Walmart did go bust here in germany.
"Attention: Everyone who works at walmart leave the store now!" PLEASE!
The Ass Crack was my favorite btw.
Good Gawd, if they called all those over the loud speaker the damn place would be empty!
Lady(?) in the photo looks beyond frightening Corey. I think she might be possessed. You shout outs are perfect.:)