I'm on The Pill

I’ll just lay it out for ya (you know, since we’re best friends and all): Over the past few weeks, I’ve developed jock itch. Eeeeewwww! Gross!

Oh, please, every guy gets it if you’re active, work out and such. I don’t care who you are guys, at some point, you’re gonna get it. It’s just the way of the world.

So, I go to see my doctor this morning, and after the obligatory 30 minute wait (for a 9:00am appt mind you), and a less-than-five-minute consult, he hands me a prescription for Diflucan.

Hmmm? Diflucan...Diflucan, where have I heard that name before?

Isn’t that an asthma medication? Pharmaceutical giants advertise so many different medications on TV that’s it’s bewildering to keep track of what’s what. Not to mention there are always so many new medications on the market, that when you see an ad for one, you may actually convince yourself that you have the disease that the medicine is supposed to cure! Crazy.

I drop off my prescription, thinking it’s probably some fancy overpriced antibiotic that my health insurance plan is happy to pay for.

“Order up,” the pharmacist says. (Not, really. I was just being dramatic.) I pay for my purchase and head back to the office. Not wasting any time with the cure, I open the prescription pack, and there it is staring me in the face...

“The easy ORAL cure for most vaginal yeast infections” – that’s what the packaging holding the one single pink pill in the bubble pack said.

VAGINAL YEAST INFECTIONS?

Holy guacamole...they mixed up my medication meant for some itchy broad! But upon further inspection, and reading more about Diflucan, it can cure a plethora of indications surrounding fungal infections, not just yeast infections in women. But what shocked me was that the packaging also says one pill can usually cure a yeast infection. My doctor gave me SEVEN-DAYS worth – one-a-day!

Hey, Doc. I’m not making a loaf of homemade bread here!

Just goes to show you that although a medication may be marketed to just men or to just women for one problem, it can cure an entire range of crap. Just like aspirin or over-the-counter medicine used to treat your headache, or target only your back pain. It ‘knows’ where to go. That’s how Viagra came about; an ingredient once used in medication to treat angina, gave men ‘rise’. What used to come at a premium is now everywhere (if you know what I mean).

No wonder there are a bazillion side-affects listed with every prescription you get:

“Warning! Use as directed: Side-affects include bloody nose, difficulty urinating, back pain, dizziness, vomiting and in extreme cases, your uterus may fall out.”

Now guys, you may be completely grossed out by my predicament, but one day when you feel the fires o’jock in your loins, you’ll thank me for this tidbit of information, and so will your sweaty, irritated loins.

What does medical science hold for us tomorrow?