Big Bald Tires

Dear Santa,

I am writing to you in the hope that you may grant me but one wish this Christmas – snow. You see, I live in Atlanta, and it very rarely snows here. Also, as you know, Atlanta drivers are the worst in the world. I mean really, they neither know how to use their turn signal, nor do they adhere to the rules when it comes to those traffic signals blinking of bright red and green.

They are the worst (did I already say that?)

So, this Christmas I would like snow, say, maybe a foot or two on Christmas Day, because we both know that most drivers here never change their tires when they start wearing down – mosquito wheels, don’t you know – named so because if a tire tread wears down so much, and if mosquito stings it, it would go flat.

You see, if we had a foot or so of wet, sloppy snow on Christmas, those folks with bad driving habits and mosquito wheels would be slipping and sliding all over the place. Just the sight of that would tickle me fuchsia, and cheer me up immensely.

In closing, I’d like to say that you always look quite fetching in that red flannel suit of yours, although you may want to consider calling Jenny Craig for a little blubber advice.

Oh well, scratch that last comment about your weight. If you’re flying over Atlanta on Christmas Eve, you’ll be the belle of the ball, because we are also the Southern Capital of bearded men and f’tasses.

Yours truly,
Corey James

PS – Be sure to tell Rudolf to turn off his nose when you fly over my house. I don’t want the neighbors to think I live in the Red Light District (if you know what I mean).

Cheers!