Passive Agressive is a Privilege, Not a Right

This past Sunday, I stopped off at the local neighborhood Smith & Hawken to look for some shiny, sparkly things for the deck. You know, like Paul Smith knock off striped Montego deck chair cushions, a gas grill and a window planter.

After I selected the seat cushions, one of the sales people came over to me and offered to carry them to the cash register for me. “Sure,” I said, and thought, that’s very nice - great customer service.

Then we moseyed on over to the flower window box corner to select an appropriate box that would fit within our deck plan.

We settled on the 3-foot Tisbury window box on display, decorated with individual slats. The sales woman went to the storage room to get the 3-footer, but returned only to say they only had 4-footer boxes in stock.

So, hubby and I discussed it a bit, and decided we should definitely get the 3-foot box to be safe, and asked the sales woman if we could just have the 3-foot display model since it was the last one in stock. It seemed more appropriate anyway, since all they had left in stock were 4-footers. Why display a 3-footer when all you have is 4?

But I digress... The sales woman agreed, and I, manly man that I am, offered to carry the twenty-pound beast of a window box to the cash register for her.

Anyhoo, hubby also wanted a copper plant table, and wouldn’t you know it, it was also the last one of its kind in stock. So, the sales woman offered to sell the floor model to us, and at a discount. Cha-ching!

So, to make a long story even longer, we’re at the cash register waiting for the attentive and wonderful sales woman to return to ring up our purchases. While waiting, Miss Thang behind the counter says we can’t sell you the floor model, because then we would only have the 4-foot box to display. We’ll have to order it for you; it’ll take three weeks for delivery.

Maintaining my genteel decorum, I mentioned under my breath to hubby, but just audible for MT to hear, “Who cares if we buy the 3-foot box display model, they can just put a 4-foot box display model in its place. That’s all they have left in stock anyway?” I guess Miss Thang was far more daft than I had imagined. He still hadn’t picked up on the inference as suggestion. So, finally I just say to MT, “Forget it. We’ll buy it somewhere else.” And we left it at that. Thank goodness, I had the patience of a tick on a slow-moving hound dog at the time. Like a warrior waiting for battle, I waited...waited for a golden opportunity to slap back.

Still with me? (Yeah, I know I hate long blog posts too, but trust me the punch line is a real zinger.)

So, our dear sales woman returns to the register, begins ringing up our purchases. When she gets to the window box and begins ringing up the sale, MT starts to take it away from her and says, “I have to put this box back on display.”

The sales woman, after spending so much time running all over the store helping us, looks at us in bewilderment saying, “You don’t want it?” To which I look directly at her and say, “We can’t have it.” Then turn my eyes slightly from hers to MT’s.

There, my work was done. I set the fuse, and sales woman crushed MT, saying “That’s ridiculous! We can put one of the 4-foot boxes from storage on the floor in its place, and if anyone wants a 3-foot model, then they can order it!” Miss Thang, completely defeated, slinked back away from the counter like a dog with its tail between its legs.

You see, sometimes, all you have to do is set the fuse, and let the spark set off the bomb.

The cost for our little retail adventure: $355.62.

But I fear Smith & Hawken bares the real cost by employing a sales associate who fails to realize his salary is directly dependent on sales.

Passive Agressive is a Privilege, Not a Right